How the diagnosis of an autoimmune immune deficiency disease filled me with more Grace
than I ever imagined and how I am now living in that Grace each day.

Monday, October 29, 2012

Dancing with Jesus

On Monday, October 15 at 12:25 pm my Dad, Grandpa to my kids, went home to Jesus, 12 days after being diagnosed with Cancer. We know that he passed right from this life into the arms of Jesus, and his passing was as peaceful as could be. I was holding his hand, Carl was holding me, and my Aunt Noni and cousin Andrea were in the room. 

I had to go to the doctor to get a stitch in my nose removed because it had become infected, and right as I got off the exit in Rock Hill the nurse called to let me know that I should get there as quickly as possible, that his breathing was very labored and that his fever would not come down anymore. She told me that she told him (in her adorable Korean accent), "You hold on for you little girl, she be here with you very very soon!" 

My doctor was amazing and moved the person before me so I could run in and out, and Carl met me there. He was breathing with 3-4 seconds between breaths, and with every breath we were on edge waiting for the next. We talked with him, reminding  him of all the good times, and telling how much Katie and Topher love him. The Hospice nurse got there and just as she put the stethoscope on his chest to listen, he took his final breath, and she looked at me and shook her head. 

I prayed that the Lord would give him a peaceful passing, with no pain, and that he please give me one more sign so I would know he was in heaven. Right at that very moment, the sun came out. It was a very dark, rainy, dreary morning, and all of a sudden, the sun shone into the room. Carl and I spent some time with "him" before we left, but in all my sadness, I knew he was with Jesus. 

It has been two weeks today, and I am still processing. I am numb at times, angry that I didn't get to spend more time with him talking about the Lord, regretful that I had the nose surgery when I did because if I wouldn't have had it when I did, I would have been able to spend more time with him..... But the Lord knew what was going to happen, and I did not. I have boxes in my front office right when you walk into my house that I need to go through, a storage unit room that I need to sort and empty, and financial things to handle and bills to pay. I am over the lay in the bed or lay on the sofa and watch TV stage, but I am still mourning. I think I am also mourning my Nanny and Grandma again, too. I am also mourning my health, since I have had so many health crises since Dad moved here and it seemed I was either sick or taking care of Dad since March, and we didn't get time to have any fun. 

Please continue to keep our family in your prayers. We need it. I need it. 

R. Michael Jackson 
June 22, 1942 - October 15, 2012


  1. Praying for you! Love you sweetie!

  2. Lovely post. So sorry about your loss, Shawna. So hard. I experienced something similar when my grandfather died. I prayed that, in sunny central California, in August, that God would let me know if my grandfather was with Him by having it rain (as I wasn't sure about him at all for many reasons, and was in anguish). As I went up to the casket at the burial plot, to say my last goodbyes, on what was an otherwise clear day, it began to mist, then sprinkle. I have no doubt we'll see each other again.