How the diagnosis of an autoimmune immune deficiency disease filled me with more Grace
than I ever imagined and how I am now living in that Grace each day.

Wednesday, March 13, 2013

Steal My Show

In January we took the kids to Winter Jam. Actually, it was beyond my expectation because we thought we were going to have to show up early, wait in line all day, and then hope and pray that I didn't get sick as we piled into the sold out venue. At the last minute, we found out my bff's husband had tickets to his company's box, and as it turned out, their family and our family were the only ones. We stayed healthy, danced around, ate WAY too much pretzels and popcorn, and worshiped our Lord and I didn't get sick! The kids had a great time, and I left there feeling so full of the Spirit since I haven't been in church in many weeks. 
 Oh my goodness, can you see how much fun they are having?
Check out my Hot Hubby!

 Matthew West

 TobyMac. I think he's wearing Topher's hat!

There were a lot of sick people on the train on the way home. This is how I travel on public transportation. 

TobyMac performed their new song "Steal My Show." It is just now starting to play on the radio, although it's been on my heart often since Winter Jam. Katie got the CD for her birthday and I've been listening to it off and on. Yesterday, I was leaving a particularly difficult doctor appointment. The Lord has used songs many times over the years to speak to me, and when I have gotten bad news, or when I am dealing with trying circumstances, He never lets me down in speaking to me. So I pulled out of the garage parking garage in tears, and these words came on the radio: 

If You wanna steal my show
I'l sit back and watch You go
If You got somethin' to say
Go on and take it away
Need You to steal my show
Can't wait to watch You go, oh, oh
So take it away....
~Steal My Show (TobyMac)

Let it sink it. It basically says....IT'S NOT ABOUT ME! It's God's show, and I want whatever I do to be a reflection of HIM in ME! 

Yesterday, I found out that the crazy symptoms that I have been feeling over the past few months and the extreme pain I am in right now is not in my head. (off topic...actually, my HEAD is doing better lately, mostly due to a change in preventative medication....) I was given the results of over $3000 worth of blood work, about 11 vials of blood taken from my body. And what my blood said is that I have severe Sjogren's Syndrome and am in the midst of a Lupus flare. While I have known about the Sjogren's, I did not know that it was affecting organs other than my eyes and mouth. And the Lupus diagnosis, while not a total shock since the hospital doctors had mentioned it, still has me a bit numb.

Because I have several severe AUTO-immune diseases as well as a Primary Immune Deficiency, treatment will vary compared to someone with just auto-immune illnesses. We decided to hold off on treatment until I have been evaluated at the Mayo Clinic next month. More on that later.

But, my main goal is to let God steal my show. This isn't about me. This is about how I can use these illnesses to be Jesus to others. There are days when I just want to slink into my doctor's office and not speak to anyone, slink back out and wallow. But I decided that I will be intentional in not allowing this or any of my other diagnoses to define me. Which is good, because which one would I pick? If nothing else, I have a great idea for my next tattoo...a zebra ribbon inter-twined with a purple ribbon as the body of a butterfly. Because that's who I am. I am a Lupus/CVID/Fibromyalgia/Sjogren's SURVIVOR!

A dear friend share this with me this morning before my doctor appointment, along with a beautiful prayer. I was scared and nervous, and after reading her words and this passage, my blood pressure was lower than it has been in weeks. 

Do you not know?
Have you not heard?
The Lord is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary,
and his understanding no one can fathom.
He gives strength to the weary
and increases the power of the weak.
Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;
but those who hope in the Lord
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.

(Isaiah 40:28-31)

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